"Cell Phone Zombies" (aka Smartphone Zombies) short comedy play script by D. M. Larson
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BAKER: We have traveled back in time to a critical time in our history. This is a key moment where our world was nearly destroyed by a mind numbing technology that turned everyone into zombies. This is the zombie apocalypse!
JONES: It's horrible. What caused our ancestors to suffer this terrible fate?
BAKER: It's these strange devices they are all carrying around and staring at. They've all been put into a trance by these things. They can't stop looking at them.
JONES: What's that strange sound they're all making?
BAKER:We call it the iMoan.
JONES: This is too horrible. I can't watch. Why did you bring me back to see all this?
BAKER: Because history tells us you are the one who stops it. A time traveler with your name is the one who saves humanity?
JONES:Are you sure it was me? Jones is a pretty common name. I went to school with someone with the same name first and last name even, that's how common it is.
BAKER: I sure hope you're the right one. We've been planning this your entire life.
JONES: You mean you've been grooming me my whole life to travel back in time and save the world?
BAKER: Yes.
JONES: That explains the guy in the suit and sunglasses that was always following me around as a kid.
BAKER: I was hoping you didn't notice that.
JONES: He was creepy! He gave me nightmares!
BAKER: Sorry about that.
JONES: I had to get therapy!
BAKER: We paid for that.
JONES: It helped. Thanks.
BAKER: You're welcome.
JONES: So how am I supposed to save the world anyway?
BAKER: We're not sure. We just know that you somehow do it alone. No mention of anyone else.
JONES: No mention of you?
BAKER:Affirmative. Very odd indeed.
JONES: Hey! Lookout! That zombie is driving a car while looking at one of those devices!
BAKER: This is bad. These are all manual vehicles. No self driving cars in this time period.
JONES: It's headed right for us!
BAKER: I have to stop it. You have to be safe! You must complete your mission!
JONES: What are you doing?!
JONES: Oh no! Baker's dead. What do I do? Okay, stay calm Jones. You were trained for this kind of situation. The emergency kit. Look in the emergency kit. We have a wound self-cleaning bandage, common cold cure tablet, unlimited credit instant currency card good for any time period, instant shelter just add water, daily meal pill... a sonic toothbrush...
JONES: Did the sonic toothbrush just disrupt your phone?
ONES: This sonic toothbrush has higher settings... I'll turn it to up popcorn stuck between the teeth.
ZOMBIE: What's going on?
ZOMBIE: I don't know.
ZOMBIE: Where am I?
JONES: Welcome to the future, my good people. I have freed you of the terrible creature that took over your world. Be free of this hideous device forever.
ZOMBIE: Hey! I don't have insurance on that!
ZOMBIE: I have the dropsie plan. I can drop it and get a new one. I do that monthly. I always have to have the latest phone.
ZOMBIE: Let's go get new ones. I hear the new iPid is awesome.
ZOMBIE: What's an iPid?
ZOMBIE: I have no clue but it's new!
ZOMBIE: I want one!
JONES:It's no good. They are obsessed. I will have to find a way to destroy all the phones. Let's set this to plaque removal. Who would have thought someone could save the world with a sonic toothbrush?
JONES: Where is that time traveling device anyway? You'd think an emergency kit would have one or at least a return to home device or something. Oh well... at least I have this no credit limit currency card...
ZOMBIE: Zoink! I'm buying me an iPid.
JONES: Hey! Give that back!
ZOMBIE: A daily meal pill? Hmmm...
ZOMBIE: Hey, it's like I'm eating... like the food is appearing in my mouth as I suck the pill... Fruit Loops... coffee.... Donuts... some kind of melon... pizza for lunch... uh... why would they put anchovies on it? Uh...